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The following blog is a summary of a message preached by Pastor Eddie Lawrence.

Watch the Sermon HERE!

Words have the power to heal or harm, to open doors or close them, to restore relationships or destroy them. It is not just what you say that matters. How you say it matters just as much. The Bible makes this clear, and Jesus modeled it perfectly.

What Does the Bible Say About How We Speak?

Proverbs 25:11 gives us a beautiful picture of this truth: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." There is a right way to say the right thing. The word "fitly" means it is the right word, spoken at the right moment, in the right way. It is not just about the content of what you say. It is about the delivery, the timing, and the Spirit behind it.

Why Does the Way We Communicate Matter So Much?

Think about how many marriages have been damaged not because someone said something untrue, but because they said something true in the wrong way. Think about jobs lost, friendships broken, and family relationships strained because of poorly chosen words spoken in the wrong moment.

The enemy specializes in making mountains out of molehills and ruining relationships over small misunderstandings. When emotions run high, words can slice and dice in ways that take years to heal.

How Did Jesus Handle Difficult Conversations?

Jesus is the greatest example of saying the right thing in the right way. Religious leaders repeatedly tried to trap Him with trick questions, hoping He would say something that would turn people against Him or bring the authorities down on Him. Time and again, He responded with wisdom that disarmed His opponents without compromising truth.

The Question About Taxes (Matthew 22)

When religious leaders tried to trap Jesus on the issue of paying taxes to Caesar, He asked them to show Him a coin. He then said, "Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." End of discussion. He did not take the bait. He kept the main thing the main thing and refused to be pulled into unnecessary conflict.

The Woman Caught in Adultery (John 8)

When a woman was dragged before Jesus, caught in adultery, the religious leaders were not really concerned about her sin. They wanted to trap Jesus into speaking against Moses or against Roman law. Jesus stooped and wrote in the dust, then looked up and said, "He who is without sin among you, let Him throw a stone at her first." One by one, her accusers dropped their stones and walked away.

But what Jesus did next is just as powerful. He turned to the woman privately and said, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." He did not condone her sin. He named it. But He also did not heap shame on someone who had already been publicly humiliated and was moments away from death. He spoke with grace and truth together. That is what changed her life.

Our purpose when dealing with people caught in sin is not to condemn or to be punitive. It is to lead them toward freedom.

The Parables of the Lost (Luke 15)

When the religious leaders accused Jesus of spending time with sinners, He did not argue with them directly. Instead, He told three stories. A shepherd who leaves 99 sheep to find one lost one. A woman who sweeps her whole house to find one lost coin. A Father who runs to embrace His returning son and throws a party to celebrate.

Through story, Jesus communicated something that a direct argument never could. He exposed the cold-heartedness of those who were more interested in judgment than restoration. Sometimes a story reaches the heart in ways that a lecture never will.

What Happens When We Respond With Wisdom Instead of Anger?

There is a story of a teenager who got into serious trouble with the law. Dreading going home, expecting the worst, he walked through the door to find his Father looking at Him and saying, "I want you to know that I love you. It is going to be all right." Then his Father hugged Him.

The consequences came later, proportionately and appropriately. But that first response shifted everything. It opened the heart instead of closing it. That is the wisdom of knowing when to speak and how to speak.

As Proverbs reminds us, "A soft answer turns away wrath." It is not always what you say. It is how you say it.

Practical Ways to Weigh Your Words Before You Speak

Here is a simple framework for those moments when you know the wrong words could do real damage:

  • Think before you speak. Most of us have said something and realized halfway through that we should not have started. Pause before you open your mouth.
  • Pray before you speak. The Holy Spirit is available to help you find the right words in difficult moments. Ask Him. Lean on Him.
  • Wait before you speak. If you are angry, do not send that text or email. Wait until your emotional temperature comes down. Do not press send prematurely.
  • Speak wisely. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally." Wisdom is available. Ask for it.
  • Speak truthfully. If you cannot speak truthfully, do not speak. Lying never helps. But also know that there are times when not everything needs to be said right now. Jesus Himself said, "I have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now." Timing matters.
  • Speak graciously. Ephesians 4 tells us to let our speech be seasoned with grace. Hard truths can still be delivered with kindness. A little grace sprinkled on difficult words makes them far easier to receive.

What the Bible Says About the Power of the Tongue

Scripture is consistent on this point. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. James reminds us that it takes a perfect man to control his tongue all the time, which means none of us are exempt from this struggle. But we can all aim to do better, especially with the people we love most.

Psalm 19:14 captures the goal well: "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."

Life Application

This week, pay close attention to not just what you say, but how you say it. Before you respond in a tense moment, whether with a spouse, a child, a coworker, or a friend, pause and ask the Holy Spirit to help you find the right words in the right Spirit. Choose one relationship where your words have caused damage and look for an opportunity to speak with grace and truth together.

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is there something I said recently that was true but delivered in a way that caused more harm than good?
  • Am I someone who tends to speak before thinking, and what is one habit I can build to slow that down?
  • In my closest relationships, am I known for words that build up or words that tear down?
  • When someone in my life has failed or stumbled, do I respond more like the accusers in John 8 or more like Jesus?

Blessed are the peacemakers. Let your words this week reflect that you belong to Him.